anXience

Lie again,she talks to me

I wait and listen,wait and see

Cry to sleep,I kissed her lips

With broken teardrops turns away

The last few months in an embrace

She talks of love to mask her face

A make believe of nothingness

She talks of love in empty space

Say it's over in this sheets

Wrote the words in crimson ink

I'll take the vows you're bound to break

The only thing I'm bound to keep

And when this lilies turns to red

Then I shall wake to meet the end

Will you be lying in my bed

For me to hold when all is dead

Now last few tears so I could see

Love in those eyes which lies to me

Cry to sleep,we both believe

Until we meet we're meant to be.

For the girl who heard my screams in silence.For the girl who used to kiss me in my deepest slumber.For the girl who thought me what it's like to finally surrender.For the rain and dragonflies..

Thank you so much Joan Estolas...

 |La Ultimo Estada|

Pagal ang katawan sa walang humpay na pagtakbo ng panahon
Hapo ang kamalayan sa panimdim na sa tuwina'y gumagapang
Sa sigabo ng buhay na sa kawalan tila sa tuwina'y nalalamon
Sa pananampalatayang dagling nabitawan ng kamay na sugatan

Muli'y isusuko ang katawan sa lupa kung saan tunay na nagmula
Ihihimlay ang yayat na untag ng mga nagdaang lumbay at saya
Magkanlong sa pakpak ng mga anghel at sa kinang ng mga estrelya
Hayaang sumambulat mga lunggating tinupok ng huling hininga

Sa maikling pamamaalam nais maipabatid ang tuwina'y pag-alala
Sa walang humpay na pakikiisa sa bawat natatanging pagpapahalaga
Ang haging ng simpatya sana maabot ang iyong mga balisang teynga
Nawa'y bumalatay sa'yong anino ang balangaw ng mga duklay na salita

Sa huling tunog ng kampana patawad kung luha'y dagling dadaloy
Sa pilit na pagpipigil ng damdamin ito'y tila lalong mag-aapoy
Halik sa mga saradong mata sa pagitan ng mga impit na panaghoy
Huling paalam sa mundong yurak sa mga pithayang pilit kang itinataboy..

June 05,2007
11:33pm

|Satan's poem for Jesus|

              I.
They do not understand you
They don't even care
Why'd you just let them waste you away like that...?
They do not fear you
Nor even care to show you love
And yet you were there bleeding for a senseless crime...

You are not God himself
Not even your people's hero
Your teachings mocked by the wise
And played fool through and through
You who was marked by the fallen angel's sin
Bathe in thy warm tub of blood..
You who was loathed;king of all kings
In a crown of thorns to wound your pride

              II.
They do not hear you
They don't even give a damn
Why'd you have to forgive them like that...?
They do not believe you
Nor even see your sacrifices
And yet you pray for their lives...

You are like God himself
Wanting to be held a hero
A martyr for goodness sake!
And played fool through and through
You who was sacrificed by your slaves
Bathe in your holy blood of wine..
You who was once loathed;king of all kings
Nailed to the cross to wound your pride

             III.
They do not feel you
They don't even wanna try
Why'd you have to love them like that...?
They do not seek you
Do they really know you??
For you to make yourself their suffering lamb...

You child of God himself
Always been a hero
For every innocent ones
Ever touched by you
For the pains cascaded by the unbelievers
Is a smile for you worth a price?
Oh..you whom I loathed;king of all kings
A friend and a foe I most admire..

June 05,2007
08:23pm

                  Bus Stop

Manengis y danget nunta ka inun-an...
Enshin shagos y nemnem kon mo enshil ni sakey'y ya onin matam..
Sepa'y mu'ka pan enapa?
Sepa emu'y mu'ka pan seskyra..?
Se'kak kuma...

The sky was cryin' when I saw you..
My mind was suddenly lost,one look and it was caught by you..
Who are you lookin' for?
Who might be you're waiting for?
wish it was me...

Ni na'ydekeb ja mata se'kam y inun-an
Aman a'mot ni sakey shi dekod ni shagem
Tua emu'y dinaban ni nemnem mun se'kak?
Eman pay ngata y namnama para ja subadit'a nakapan-ynapa?
Pegan emu'n maun-an y danget shita matam?
Singen aishi la...

With closed eyes it was you I saw
Hiding by yourself  behind the storm
Where have thy thoughts of me gone to?
Is there still hope for the questions I seek?
When shall I see heaven in your eyes?
Seems like never...

Yet kuma nu enshi'la'y emin'na saket
Amtam ngatan y'yay'ak ngud shay'ya aman-seskyd ni anken'a sakey bengat'a namys ni mareket mon ngey'nge?
Tep haman bengat y singen pyan ja mabedin mon i'kan...
Amtam'a se'kam y pyan
Ni puso ja yte'y ni essel ja ag maikwan..
Nu naksheng y emin,nemnem mu nu bylang
Nunta ka'aman seskyd...
Naka'ngo aman seskyd sun se'kam...

Then if all the pain is gone
Would you also know that I was here waiting only for the sweetness of thy beautiful laughter?
Coz seems like it's the only thing you could give..
You know you're the one longed for by this heart that now dies with words unspoken
If it's all over just think of it
While you're there waiting..
I was also waitin' for you to come...

Thus I see you my angel in your grief
Then I shall cover you in snow white feathered wings
Hearin' you whisper this secrets I fear
Then I shall see you in every crimson tears
If thy beauty so betrayed each kisses and smiles
And if thy pain is but a gift in rich ribbons and lace..
Then I shall weep...
And if I shall never see you again with this eyes blinded sordidly
And if my song was silenced forever and that you bleed for me
And as I drink from your poisoned cup
And each mirror shows nothing but your serenity
Still I shall speak of love 'til my tongue bleeds
And soak your rose withered bed with this thorned memory..
I declared you've won------
As I forever lay asleep.

date written:07-01-07
                  03:58pm

----happily ever after

I love it when she smile.Her eyes,her lips,the way she flip her hair like that---everything.
I could still see her loving face in a vague dream.A silhouette innocence callin' out my name like a hollow prayer.
I love to hear her voice..almost a fragile whisper through my ear.
Her soft giggles like tiny bells ringing somewhat gives me that smile.
And her silence...oh God I knew..I could almost taste her tears..and it hurts so much that I almost die everytime I seem to hear her say goodbye.
I love her.Everyone knows that.And oh how much I longed to hold her close to me,to touch every inch of her face,to taste her lips like sweet strawberry kiss,to tell her how much she means to me as I claim her as mine.
And I miss her---almost like the air I breathe that now chokes me with longng desire.And I could almost see her standin' there,gazin' out the window..still mourning for someone else's love..as I wait.
Does she know how much I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin?To hear her say that I'm the one who completes her?And when she tells me that she feels like her worth's less than a quarter of a cent,does she know how I feel
inside?Is she even aware that I do feel the same way and it's killin' me?And that thinkin' of her and the reason behind each teardrops is almost suicide?----still I waited...and I miss her---almost crazy.Yeah she cares about
me I know.I know...and though my voice is now trailling off and udoubtedfully broken,I still could speak of words she never meant to say.
She loves me.The soft wind whispered as we walked hand in hand by the beach.Her white dress glimmering beneath the moonlight.Her scent lingers--lavander..embraced by the salt-scented sea.
Her eyes,they seem to move me---and I love it when she smile.Her eyes,her lips,the way she flip her hair like that---everything.She's mine,and I submit to her beauty for eternity---yet all this bitterness consumed me fo I was living a dream,and noting sorrounds me now but the gloomy thoughts of being alone.Oh how am i suppose to console her grief when I myself couldn't prevent my own heart from dying?
And all the words I've kept for so long now carelessly uttered was totally ignored by her silence..am i still bound to speak?
Last night I dreamt of waking up---and I saw myself bleeding.And as I wiped my eyes with this crimson-stained hand,I wondered if she ever tried to shed a tear for me thinkin' I was on the verge of goodbye.She'll never hear the laughter she missed---will that make her cry?Perhaps..
A night forlorn both of us shared.Both of us who waited.Both of us who keeps holding on.Both of us failed.
I love her and teh pain behind each smiles...and I wanna stay that way for a moment---almost dead.
Understanding...
She will never love me..and she never did.

07-17-07

Flight of a Dragonfly

He stopped walking infront of the old cemetery where he used to hang-around when he was still a young lad.Slowly,he touched the wrought iron gate like a long lost lover..softly touching it's rusted chains,caressing the moss-covered steal..caressing...

kreek---kreek---!

The old street lamp went on with it's sinister sound as it sways along with the wind.It's warm yellow glow goes on and off with each blink of the eye.Just the same,it doesn't really seem to saturate anyone's need for light against the dark somber nightfall..
Then slowly,her face appeared in his blurry mind.
A girl with curly strawberry hair and deep amythest eyes.Such beauty.And her voice,so sweet in her own crimson delight---and seems like she's calling out to him..
"Andrei come back-------" he could almost hear her in a scream.Those vibrant strands of locks embracing her frailness,he could almost feel them wrapped around his shaky fingers.He closed his eyes almost in pain as he tried to wash off that scene.
"I'm so sorry Andrei...please...!" still,the voice went on.He clasped his fingers around the rusted bar as he pushed open the gate and entered the cemetery groggily almost stumblin' down the moss-covered stones behind grasses and tombstones forgotten by time.
"Are you alright?" a cold soothing voice from behind almost startled him and before he could answer,a pair of white hands held him fast
to keep him from falling off.His torqouise blue eyes met hers.
"ah yeah I'm fine I guess.." he said as he gave the stranger a faint smile.His voice almost in a croak whisper with his dry and parched lips which we're once soft as rose petals.The stranger smiled just the same.A beautiful woman perhaps in mid-twenties or somethin' like it,in a long dress of white saracen cloth.Long black hair that shines beneath the moonlight and pale skin..so pale...
The woman smiled in a friendly way showin' of a set of pearl white teeth beneath those pouted cherry lips.
"a nice evening huh?come with me for a walk?" she asked.Bewildered,he just gave her a slight nod as they started walking down the old cemetery path.
"I've heard of an accident that happened yesterday on a nearby street..." she said after a while.
He stared at her upon hearing that---matter of factly.
"A very bad accident indeed..tsk.Poor guy,he could've been a famous model and a perfect lover if he'd survived--" she went on after a pause.
"perhaps he really ain't much of a lucky fellah.." he softly murmured.He saw her lips curved in an almost mysterious smile like that of  Mona Lisa.
"you really think it was an accident?I think the other way...love makes people insane you know.Always takes one to know one.Hey,you saw that girl in an emerald cardigan?A red rose for white butterflies..ain't she lovely?But her tears..they almost broke my heart upon seeing them.." she said but not really as if she meant those last words like she's suppose to.
As she talk..his mind drifts away...farther way to that strawberry girl....
Red rose for white butterflies...
Francine.
Her image still entertwined with his wild thoughts..lovely in her ashen dress as she sits behind the old oak tree underneath the pale moonlight.And the guy beside her looks deviously handsome in his black tuxedo as he laugh along with her.And as they locked each other in a sweet loving embrace,it was as if his world fell apart that all he did was to turn away and scream out her name in pure agony.
Then again,the picture rolled on..she was crying now..and God knows how much he wanted to take her into his arms and tell her everything's gonna be okay.But he didn't.
Still he could hear her voice pleading him to go back.where?He does'nt really know---
"still with me Andrei?"
He blinked a couple of times before he turned to look at her.There was still that Mona Lisa smile painted all over her face.Andrei---she called him by his name?how did she----
"you're still bothered,huh?Don't worry...you'll soon get use to it.It always feels like that the first time.."
What was she talkin' about?He couldn't figure out.She seemed to be talking in riddles.
"How do you know my name?"
Again she smiled...a smile which starts to give him the chill as they went on.He haven't even noticed where their feet has finally takin' them.The grasses around were taller and much thicker,and the tombstones...older.
"You need not to ask..I know everyone out 'ir..old ones and new ones.Hmm..as I was saying awhile back,the accident..it wasn't suppose to happen that way---"
"what then?" he asked growing impatient.The woman stopped and sat down an old cracked tomb just beside an old rotten oak fence.She looked away as if busy with her own deep thoughts.Then she spoke in a grave tone...
"you were there,right?You knew what happened.You saw the girl crying.You saw the car jumped over the bridge.And before that,you heard her cryin'  out his name,pleadin' for him to go back..but he did'nt.He could'nt go back to her anymore..not with her groom behind her.No,of course he can't.And I can feel his pain..all his pain...do you?"
He was dumbfounded.He could'nt speak a single word.Instead,he slowly fall down his knees and let the soft ground carry all his weight and all the burden along with it.
Francine...she could still see her crying face.Oh how she wanted to talk to him about everything.About how happy she was for finding the right man for her,of how lovely she looks in her wedding dress..of course,her sister wanted to share her everything about her..of how happy she was for seeing him again after quite long years since he left home.
It could've been a happy day for all of them...but his sardonic feelings betrayed him.
Animal.
He could've gone off to Hell that very moment.But he didn't.It was all he really wanted then.But he didn't.
...sweet strawberry haired Francine...poor girl for having a felonious animal brother that he is.All he could say is sorry.He's never been a real brother to her.
She loved her..the way it wasn't supposed to be.
And it all but destroyed him.
..for white butterflies...
The woman's voice is like an echo inside his head.
Francine...now she could see her beside those old graves where both of them used to hang around..with an open grave beside where people gather around to see the animal lying six feet under.
He could almost smell the scent of roses held by the girl in her soft caring arms that once embraced him as a child.
Taunting----
Haunting----
He almost shivered.After a long while he sighed.The woman with her seemed to wait for him patiently before reaching out for his hand with a sincere smile.
He stood up.
The horizon is such a brilliant sight with a sky enlaced with pink and orange color.Dragonflies starts to come out flapping around the tall grasses and birch trees with their gold and silver wings of morning dew.
You ever thought of flyin' around red roses instead of those white birch trees and crisp green grasses?
Wish they could hear his thoughts.
Then he turned to look at the woman walking beside him.
"What is your name?" he asked in a weak voice yet calm.
"Call me Kara.." she spoke with such gentleness as she looked up beyond the horizon...then to him.
"when did you...err.."
"I died 43years ago..that's what you wanna know?---"still smilling,she touched his cheeck with her cold porcelain hand.
He felt a vague comfort.He finally felt at ease with her and everything around them.
"Come now child..almost sun-up.We'll have more time to tell stories tonight.The others would also want to meet you.."
"you mean there were lots of you..err..us around here?"
She softly laughed as he guided him through the dark pathway.
"of course my child..of course.We'll all have a grand party tonight wherein no breathing soul would want to come..." again with that Mona Lisa smile that is almost majestic.
He gave her a nod and along with it is an acceptance of what was about to come.Then he felt himself cascaded by a warm brilliant light.He felt hinself being lifted up and it felt so good.
So sweet..no more wedding bells deafening him,no more car screeches,no more wailing sirens,no more churchbell tolling..
..red roses for dead dragonflies..no more Francine..
Kara...she's there..still holding his hand.She will be the one to guide him..she have waited for him by the old rusted gate the moment he died.
'The moment he died..'
And they both dissappeared as the sun slowly comes up to give the day a new start..

-----Tamielt Kahlil
May 02,2007
05:01 am